n marriage, one or both partners are known to bottle up their fantasies when it comes to sex which is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. The reason for the ‘secrecy’ in marriage as it relates to sex can be pointed out to culture, religion, and upbringing.
In the African context, sex talks is always regarded as a taboo; arguably all religion frowns at sex education especially when it comes to seeking pleasure from other body parts that they believed was not ‘designed’ for such purpose; some family settings forbade sex talks because of the mindset such a family. So, imagine a union of two different individuals – a man and a woman, coming from a different background, creed and religious denomination to become one, you would expect a clash of interest in this case
That is why the need for courtship cannot be overstated before finally saying ‘I do!’ by walking down the aisle.
Presented below are some probable questions and the necessary steps to take in handling such if one ever happens to find him or herself in such a scenario.
Please note that the statements in bold format are the apparent questions while the unformatted paragraphs that follows are possible answers to the questions.
My husband is not a big fan of kissing, but I am. He rapidly moves away from me when I kiss him. Because of his demeanor, I miss kissing a lot. It is “somehow,” he thinks. This marriage is my husband’s second while I am into it for the first time. Do you think there is anything we can do about it?
Please do not take offense; have you tested your breath? Seriously! Some couples avoid kissing because their spouses have persistent foul breath. Consult a close friend or your dentist for assistance. Your dentist may be able to assist you with this issue. If you pass the ‘breath test,’ inquire as to what aspect of kissing offends your husband. What exactly does he despise about kissing if he does not like it? After that, try to come up with a solution to the issue. That inquisition will express to him “You are essential to me, and I want to please you”. You wil
end up with a happier man (and living with a happy man is a lot more enjoyable). Maybe one day he will reconsider kissing you, or kiss you as a gift. Meanwhile, go on an unselfish journey by giving him what he really wants.
My wife is not as interested in sex as I am, and I understand that this is common among women. Is it acceptable for me to try to spice things up if my need appears to be tremendous but she is not in the mood? I am wondering if it is possible to be considerate and selfless while still getting enough sex.
For women, the path to sexual happiness is unquestionably relational. If you perform the things that your wife need when trying to ‘spice things up,’ you are considerably more likely to succeed. Listening to her (especially if it seems irrelevant), communicating your own feelings (even if they seem minor to you), paying her a lot of attention (eye contact), and not pressuring her for sex are some of these things (give her plenty of attention and non-sexual touching).
You can make it apparent to your wife what you are thinking while you are communicating your emotions. However, be sure to emphasize that you want her to enjoy her time with you. When you are not in a rush for sex, it is a good idea to take this technique.
I have discovered that even when I am not in the mood for sex, I am willing to make myself available to my partner. It will assist if he realizes this and can adjust his expectations for the amount of time I can devote to him. Talk to your wife about it, and try to be open and honest with her. Before trying to connect sexually, talking is a great method to connect emotionally.
Female sexuality, understanding it is as difficult as it could get, but it is necessary if you want to communicate with your wife. This may help you better understand your wife and serve as a starting point for discussing your disagreements with her. She needs to know how strong your emotions and desires are, just as you need to know what triggers her favorable response.
My spouse and I finally talked things out after five years of having a hot and passionate sex relationship. We now have fantastic, unbelievable sex. My issue is that I am addicted in some way. It does not seem natural for me to be so consumed by sexual thoughts and desires, or to crave sex as frequently as I do. Even if my want is geared toward my husband, I feel out of control, and it cannot be godly behaviour. What can I do about it?
It is rare for a woman to be consumed by sexual ideas and urges, but it is not always unhealthy or “bad.” God’s creative design includes sexual arousal and pleasure. When a person’s sexual desires and fantasies cross the marital line, the problem arises. To protect your marriage’s faithfulness, it is critical that you and your husband continue to communicate.
When sexual thoughts or conduct starts to interfere with other tasks, it is also an issue. For example, if you retreat from other relationships, neglect your children, or abandon your own spiritual life, you will need to exert some control. The good news is that obsessive behavior is something that can be managed.
To begin, take a spiritual approach. When sexual thoughts enter your head, for example, you might replace them with prayerfully spiritual reading to shift your obsessive thought habits. You might also try focusing your thoughts on a good and worthy cause. You will notice that your sexual thoughts become less frequent.
Another option is to engage in some physically demanding work, which might help to lessen sexual desire.
It is possible that you will need professional help to figure out what is causing your extreme ‘turn on’ and how to get more control. When selecting a counselor, be cautious. Find a therapist with a lot of expertise and who you can trust.
My wife and I have been married for a year now and she has not experienced an orgasm yet. She has a lot of inhibitions and has certain sex-related concerns. There are clear lines that should not be crossed. I do not hold it against her, but she does. What can we do to assist in the improvement of the situation?
Early adjustment issues are common among new couples. Physical intimacy is a topic on which they have concerns. Many Christian sexuality literature can aid in the removal of inhibitions. There could be a variety of causes for the difficulty because sexual development is such a private affair. It would be beneficial for your wife to seek counseling from a skilled professional to assist her work through the feelings that are preventing her from having an orgasmic response. This may be linked to early limiting doctrines that portrayed sex as filthy. Many women were never taught that sex in marriage is a God-given blessing that should be enjoyed.
Another prevalent reason is a woman’s demand for emotional control and the worry that comes with it when sensual pleasure grows. For a woman who has learned to manage her emotions, the intensity of pre-orgasmic arousal can appear dangerous. In addition, shame over sexual desires or premarital experiences can obstruct complete sexual enjoyment. Early sexual abuse, of course, can cause trigger memories.